It was supposed to be a weekend to get things done. I was leaving on a trip on Tuesday. He was going to a Men's church weekend, which he didn't want to go on, but was going because I wanted to go. I was going to get my errands done, get church work done, etc, etc, etc. And.then.he.left.
It's not like we've not been apart before. We have. A lot. I take the kids and go away for the weekend often. But this was different. He had left...without a kiss, without a hug, without an I love you. He.was.just.gone. Never before have I experienced ANYTHING like this before. No contact for 4 days. My head knew he was coming back, but my heart said "he's gone". And this is what it feels like.
Honestly, it was one of the hardest weekends I've ever spent. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be no big deal. Apparently, God had other plans. It was MY lesson for the weekend. Take the time. Appreciate each other, for it can all be gone in a split second. It was eye opening.
He came home Sunday evening thinking no one probably even missed him. And the first thing out of punk #2's mouth was "mommy's been crying all weekend". Thanks kid. But honestly, it's probably the best thing that's happened to us. We spend a lot of time together. Especially the last 7+ years of being self-employed. But this was/is different. He was upset that I had been so upset all weekend. (Which I knew he would be, but you can't tell the heart anything!:) He's totally changed, and yet, totally the same guy.
The hardest thing I had to do was get on that bus a day after he came home. I wanted more time. But that's just not how the schedule works. (And remember, it was supposed to be no big deal...boy was it a big deal!) But now that we're home, the kids are away for spring break and we can just be. We still have to work and go our separate ways for a few hours, but we come home and just be. My weekend getaway starts Thursday and I hope/pray for peace that I can get through the no contact issue I seem to have. I know I can do it, but does my heart? I don't know how/why we got so lucky so many years ago, but I'll always Thank God for giving me him!
It's been a crazy week in this small little town. (When your town size of 300 jumps to 100,000+, you KNOW it's going to be nuts!) Now I know why we left town last year!! Funny how God changes things up on us. Fall break isn't until next weekend this year and Punk #1 still has band competitions until next weekend. Plus, I don't think we were ready to learn the lessons we're learning this year. Lessons we didn't know we "needed" to learn? There's some that are struggling with accepting them and learning from them. It's hard for people to accept something that's "free"...no strings attached. It's also hard for some people to accept the notion of NOT taking any donations. No donations requested, required nor accepted. "But 'how' ...will we...I don't know. It's not my job to answer that question. The road to the unknown is by Faith.
I know I am learning about Grace...and boy is it amazing. I was beyond Blessed by the few people I met yesterday as they came into park their RV's and trailers. I saw Grace given to a couple that showed up expecting their booth (that they paid for a few yards over) was gone. We showed them Grace and found room for them at the "inn". And when the light bulb went off in his head as to what we were saying...he walked away in tears because he "got it". Grace is all around us...have YOU seen it? Will you recognize it?
Dear God, Thank You for our beautiful fall colors and our awesome weather this weekend.
Sometimes it's hard being a kid and learning lessons. At least I hoped he learned a lesson. (I'm sure he did, but he was still mad at me! ;) There was an invitation to play airsoft from some friends after church. We said sure, no problem and dropped him off, with a reminder that we would pick him up at 3:50pm for the church youth meeting. There were several other youth there also. He was quite irked when we did follow through and picked him up, even though no one else was going. That kinda irked me, but it was not my place to judge others. I just know my boys made a commitment to show up each week and they are going to follow through. Youth is always on Sunday afternoon, always has been and until they change it, it always will be.
After they left, we went on a short Sunday drive discussing it. There was a little disagreement about it and I explained my feelings on it. What if it was US as VOLUNTEERS and kids didn't show up? I would be angry that I spent my time planning and preparing and then the kids decided they had a better offer and didn't show. (This game was not planned in advance, it was just set up on Sunday morning.) I can't help what other parents do, but I can make sure my kids show up when they are expected. He may not realize it now, but I guarantee they will remember the boys that showed.