It's been a long spring, that hasn't really been spring. We get a taste and then winter returns. It's been hot, cold, cool, warm and freezing...all in a span of weeks, sometimes days! Not to mention wet. I've never seen the ponds, rivers and lakes so high...not that I'm complaining about that, because last years drought was really bad, but geez, can we warm up and dry out for a bit? The flowers are just about done blooming and yet we are still getting down to freezing some nights. I guess Mother Nature is just testing us this year!
We usually take an after dinner drive down the back country roads. Tonight we went in search of the "right" yellow flowered landscape picture. I've got the picture in my head, now I've just got to find what I see in my head...before the yellow fields disappear! But tonight, we found something else. Peacocks! We heard them before we saw them.
They are really used by farmers as early warning signals!
We only saw 3, but it sounded like there were more.
I had not been down this road before, so I loved finding the old barns...although around here, there's an old barn on every country road!
It's been a tough week for most people. From tragedy in Boston to disbelief in West, Texas. We (hopefully) turn to our faith as we struggle to understand why. As children, we are (hopefully) shielded from some of the wrong in the world, but it tends to hit home when something hurts you. We had an incident last Sunday. I had no clue. I went to bed and our 12 year old came and woke me and asked me to come to his room. Not having any clue, I went with him, where he promptly burst into tears, telling me he wanted to move and he did not like it here. Talk about coming out of left field! This sweet, tender hearted child was struggling with a problem and kept it in all day because he didn't want to ruin "our" day. My heart just broke for him.
He cries silent tears. He always has. He crashed his bike years ago and scraped his body from left eye to right hip on the pavement...HORRIBLE road rash...and not a tear. I cried for him and even told him it was ok to cry and yet no tears. So as big croc tears fell onto my leg, I ached to know what had hurt him so bad. After 30 minutes he explained how his friend had betrayed his trust. And he was so terrified that kids would find out and tease him. My poor baby. Friend betrayal is so tough for a 12 year old...or anyone for that matter. But after getting him calmed down and a guarantee that no one would know, he finally fell back asleep. Of course that meant that daddy and I were WIDE awake and ANGRY! (Parents were contacted and punishment received.)
Unfortunately after hearing back from 1 parent the next day, what he said turned out to be true...I was hoping just a cruel joke. He is over it and back to his sweet self. He is not ready to forgive, which I understand, but I know he will eventually. He is not one to hold a grudge. I just hate that it was a lesson he eventually had to learn...much sooner than I expected. As I posted on his facebook page, "Jesus knows you're strong." He will overcome and be stronger for it.
The dishes may not be done and the beds not made, but someday, none of that will matter. If I've learned anything in the past few weeks, it's to appreciate the time you're given, because it truly is a gift. Don't take it for granted. Get out and enjoy life and your loved ones.
I learned a lot at my weekend away...the one I didn't want to go on. And I discovered that I probably would not have had the same experience had I been excited to go. So there was a plan...a plan I did not know about, because God works in mysterious ways. I am now equipped to be a better wife, mother and Christian. I will treasure the time spent with my table ladies and remember that we all put our big girl panties on and supported each other those 3 days. I am thankful that God hit the reset button for us...when we didn't even know we needed it. We will be better parents and a better couple for it.
It was supposed to be a weekend to get things done. I was leaving on a trip on Tuesday. He was going to a Men's church weekend, which he didn't want to go on, but was going because I wanted to go. I was going to get my errands done, get church work done, etc, etc, etc. And.then.he.left.
It's not like we've not been apart before. We have. A lot. I take the kids and go away for the weekend often. But this was different. He had left...without a kiss, without a hug, without an I love you. He.was.just.gone. Never before have I experienced ANYTHING like this before. No contact for 4 days. My head knew he was coming back, but my heart said "he's gone". And this is what it feels like.
Honestly, it was one of the hardest weekends I've ever spent. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be no big deal. Apparently, God had other plans. It was MY lesson for the weekend. Take the time. Appreciate each other, for it can all be gone in a split second. It was eye opening.
He came home Sunday evening thinking no one probably even missed him. And the first thing out of punk #2's mouth was "mommy's been crying all weekend". Thanks kid. But honestly, it's probably the best thing that's happened to us. We spend a lot of time together. Especially the last 7+ years of being self-employed. But this was/is different. He was upset that I had been so upset all weekend. (Which I knew he would be, but you can't tell the heart anything!:) He's totally changed, and yet, totally the same guy.
The hardest thing I had to do was get on that bus a day after he came home. I wanted more time. But that's just not how the schedule works. (And remember, it was supposed to be no big deal...boy was it a big deal!) But now that we're home, the kids are away for spring break and we can just be. We still have to work and go our separate ways for a few hours, but we come home and just be. My weekend getaway starts Thursday and I hope/pray for peace that I can get through the no contact issue I seem to have. I know I can do it, but does my heart? I don't know how/why we got so lucky so many years ago, but I'll always Thank God for giving me him!